“I dare not utter the words and thoughts that crowd in my heart, and make me suffer untold agony.  Every time I have wanted to tell them the truth–that I have no faith–the words do not come, my mouth remains closed.  …In my soul I feel that terrible pain of loss.”  ~Mother Theresa

This deeply personal triptych explores the profound sense of disorientation and grief that can come from losing — or even questioning — a long-held belief system. When faith fades, it’s not just a shift in perspective; it’s an unraveling. The ground you once stood on turns to sand. You lose not only a moral and spiritual framework, but often relationships, community, meaning, and identity.  The grief can be overwhelming.

In these pieces, I utilize the imagery of faith — iconography — to explore the tension and dissonance of questioning it.  But I also use these symbols to show reverence to myself, to remember that no matter what I believe, I am worthy, that I matter, that I am beloved.

In the quiet of this spiritual collapse, I found unexpected solace in the words of Mother Teresa. Known as a paragon of faith, her posthumously published journals reveal her own private struggle with spiritual emptiness. Her inability to publicly voice that struggle resonated deeply with me. Each panel in this triptych includes one of her quotes — fragments of her silent struggle that mirror my own.

These pieces are both confession and lament. I hope they might hold space for others who have questioned, wandered, or doubted, offering a place to feel seen, heard, and understood.

These hand-crafted encaustic-based images are 16x20”, and are composed of wax, resin, paint, pigment, photograph, and metal leaf, on a raised wooden panel. Thanks to Caldera Arts for the residency that allowed me to begin this challenging work.